Home Sweet Home
================
I found my way home.
As it turns out, the necklace I sold to Muriel for my room was the very object I needed... go figure. Oh well, I managed to locate the portal home, and I had bargained the return of the key, in exchange for a different piece of jewelry. I was excited... elated even. I was going to go home. I had already planned it out. I would find father and let him know I was safe, then take a long bath before the inevitable celebration for my return.
What I found, however, was not celebratory.
Azrinoth, Animus, and I stepped through the portal. We were in the dungeon of the castle... and it was not pretty. Now, I am aware that dungeons are not supposed to be aesthetically pleasing, however... this was just wrong. There were dead people about... dead servants and guards. People that had been there for as long as I could remember. The sight only got worse as we moved forward. We found more bodies... some had been chewed down to the bone... others apparently flayed open brutishly. It took everything in my power to not break down into tears.
Then we found father. He appeared chained and injured, at first. Azrinoth did not trust him, and in retrospect he was right to. I was foolish and nieve, however. Filled with elation I stepped forward... When Azrinoth spotted something wrong he announced it. This caused father to... change. I can not quite describe it.. I was not feeling in control of myself. I approached, regardless of his changes... when he spoke, it was absolute... it was truth... I did not question father. Perhaps it was... something... I am not clear on precisely what had actually occured.
Father spoke of my not being ready... ready for what? I have to wonder. The entire event was very confusing. I have so many questions... none of it made sense... If I heard correctly, the destruction of the castle... of the people... that was father's hand. But how? How could he? The careless slaughter of so many... and for what? A lesson, he said... to show what happens to those that fail him? Even if that made sense, how are they to learn their lesson... if they are dead? Furthermore, what sort of man is my father? While it is true that all these years I've not known him much if at all... I do not really recall actually seeing him face to face... hearing his voice, yes... I had never questioned what quality of person he was... he was my father, and that made me raise him up as someone worth praise... now, a cold, harsh, reality stands before me, in that I was very wrong about him... I wonder, how much else was I wrong about?
Azrinoth said it was a mistake to go back... Given the circumstances, I did not see any other alternative. I could not have anticipated this. It all sits wrong, and I have no answers. I am surprised I managed to hold my composure until we returned to Sigil... however a few steps from the portal and I couldn't bear to stand, let alone move.
I am grateful for Animus and Azrinoth. Eternally. Yes, they help me without need of thanking... Azrinoth from his duty, Animus from his love... but I still feel the need to thank them... for everything. For tolerating me, and seeing me through this... for protecting me, and being placed in mortal danger on my account... and they do not feel negatively towards me for it. They are still at my side, metaphorically speaking. I have to wonder, if the roles were reversed, would I be so selfless in thier defense? The old me would most definitely not... But as I sit now, I even re-evaluate the me I have become... and I wonder... am I the sort of person I would want to help?
Animus walked me back to my recently restored room... thankfully I will have a decent bed with clean sheets to sleep in... he kissed me, again, before we parted. Then I entered my room.. and in here, it strikes me... this is my home now.
Lady Rozalin Fiera
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Where the Heart Is
================
I don't recall how I got to my bed... I was with Animus, and I must have faded to sleep. I will have to apologize to him for that. Things have been very trying for me as of late.
I was pick pocketed the other day, which was the beginning of my misfortune... I was browsing a store for a potential close range weapon. Allow me to explain this. A few days prior I was invited to a place called the gray waste... it is as dull as it sounds, I assure you. The place is, however, crawling with undead creatures. The associate I was with was a mage... and I, myself, have only ever really used a bow in terms of weaponry. This was not a huge issue, however... when my ally required to rest due to exerting her magical abilities... I have no idea how that works, by the way... I was, more or less, forced to use arrows to fend off anything in the area. Sure, she had a blade of some sort, but it was hardly effective in her hands... when the monsters were close, I had a difficult time focusing my aim... as such, I felt I should invest in a close range weapon of some sort.
Anyway... pickpocket. Some short person attempted to take some coin from me... which, unfortunately, he did... however not without others noticing. Even I managed to notice the grubby little fingers on me. In truth, the fact of the robbery did not upset me overly... it was the events that followed that irritated me. Within moments a crowd had formed about us... everyone was accosting and threatening the short thief... with good reason, I will admit. Even Animus and Azrinoth were among them... there was a lot of noise, and it irritated me. Then another man, I remember him as "the beggar" from my first appearance in this city, he mentioned that stealing a few of my coins wouldn't matter... since, as he believed, I had plenty.
He could not have known how deep and exposed such wounds could become... I was not rich... in fact, I am doing rather poorly in the managing of what little money I do have. The man could not know that his words would strike so hard, and expose a horrible truth to me... my home is gone... my wealth... my family... everything. Can I still be Princess Rozalin when I have nothing to inherit? When, a part of me, believes that my entire life to this point has been orchestrated, a false front to keep me "safe" until "I am ready"... I still do not know what I am not ready for... it scares me.
If I am not Princess Rozalin, then who am I? Somebody's tool? A librarian? Another face in the masses? Anybody? This weighs on me... Animus suggested that being Librarian Rozalin may not be so bad. Can I believe this? Can I even fathom this idea right now? And what of Azrinoth? If it is true that I am just a librarian... what sort of librarian has a guardian? Would he still be my guardian if he knew these thoughts?
After the horrible events with the man who had made it his personal goal to upset me through verbal assault... I did manage to get him to stop, though it took a lot out of me to not lose my composure while doing so... I found a few distractions, which helped... for a while. Azrinoth had went off with miss Ixia to discuss things regarding potential future encounters with my father... he hopes to find a way to counter what my father is capable of... Animus was occupied with assisting a Harmonium guard by the name of Granite. Granite returned quite quicker than Animus did, and I found myself interested in the stone man... not... interested as how I am with Animus, just... he is curious. The harmonium is cold when he is on duty... but he is mortal and a person when he is not... he cares for people, and wishes to help them... he wants to be with a certain person, but she is always busy... I know this feeling. I found myself talking to him... perhaps even comforting him some, and offering some advice. I do not know how effective my advice will be...
After Animus had returned I stood about with Dom, Lady Kalina, and he... even while standing about someone asked Animus for help... it was simple as locating someone who was across the bazaar, but he still helped... as he stepped away a hin, who had previously asked about my going home... before the incident... she showed up and wished me luck in finding my way home. It felt like daggers in my chest. I fear my mood had immediately dropped again after hearing it... this hin was not vindictive... she meant no harm... in fact, she meant well... still... it hurt.
Animus had wanted to have some time alone with me earlier, but he had constantly been interrupted. After he came back he did manage to get away for a while... he had intended to grab something to eat in the inn... I did not feel like eating. So much weighed on my mind, I only wanted to cry. I had been holding it in... sort of. But he said I should let it out. I did... it felt... good, I suppose... I mean, I did feel a mess. He continues to say I am strong, and I am handling things better than most would. I suppose that is a good thing... I do not feel strong, though.
I can only assume Animus carried me to my room, as I must have fell asleep in the comfort of his arms. I will have to thank him for that... and apologize.
================
I don't recall how I got to my bed... I was with Animus, and I must have faded to sleep. I will have to apologize to him for that. Things have been very trying for me as of late.
I was pick pocketed the other day, which was the beginning of my misfortune... I was browsing a store for a potential close range weapon. Allow me to explain this. A few days prior I was invited to a place called the gray waste... it is as dull as it sounds, I assure you. The place is, however, crawling with undead creatures. The associate I was with was a mage... and I, myself, have only ever really used a bow in terms of weaponry. This was not a huge issue, however... when my ally required to rest due to exerting her magical abilities... I have no idea how that works, by the way... I was, more or less, forced to use arrows to fend off anything in the area. Sure, she had a blade of some sort, but it was hardly effective in her hands... when the monsters were close, I had a difficult time focusing my aim... as such, I felt I should invest in a close range weapon of some sort.
Anyway... pickpocket. Some short person attempted to take some coin from me... which, unfortunately, he did... however not without others noticing. Even I managed to notice the grubby little fingers on me. In truth, the fact of the robbery did not upset me overly... it was the events that followed that irritated me. Within moments a crowd had formed about us... everyone was accosting and threatening the short thief... with good reason, I will admit. Even Animus and Azrinoth were among them... there was a lot of noise, and it irritated me. Then another man, I remember him as "the beggar" from my first appearance in this city, he mentioned that stealing a few of my coins wouldn't matter... since, as he believed, I had plenty.
He could not have known how deep and exposed such wounds could become... I was not rich... in fact, I am doing rather poorly in the managing of what little money I do have. The man could not know that his words would strike so hard, and expose a horrible truth to me... my home is gone... my wealth... my family... everything. Can I still be Princess Rozalin when I have nothing to inherit? When, a part of me, believes that my entire life to this point has been orchestrated, a false front to keep me "safe" until "I am ready"... I still do not know what I am not ready for... it scares me.
If I am not Princess Rozalin, then who am I? Somebody's tool? A librarian? Another face in the masses? Anybody? This weighs on me... Animus suggested that being Librarian Rozalin may not be so bad. Can I believe this? Can I even fathom this idea right now? And what of Azrinoth? If it is true that I am just a librarian... what sort of librarian has a guardian? Would he still be my guardian if he knew these thoughts?
After the horrible events with the man who had made it his personal goal to upset me through verbal assault... I did manage to get him to stop, though it took a lot out of me to not lose my composure while doing so... I found a few distractions, which helped... for a while. Azrinoth had went off with miss Ixia to discuss things regarding potential future encounters with my father... he hopes to find a way to counter what my father is capable of... Animus was occupied with assisting a Harmonium guard by the name of Granite. Granite returned quite quicker than Animus did, and I found myself interested in the stone man... not... interested as how I am with Animus, just... he is curious. The harmonium is cold when he is on duty... but he is mortal and a person when he is not... he cares for people, and wishes to help them... he wants to be with a certain person, but she is always busy... I know this feeling. I found myself talking to him... perhaps even comforting him some, and offering some advice. I do not know how effective my advice will be...
After Animus had returned I stood about with Dom, Lady Kalina, and he... even while standing about someone asked Animus for help... it was simple as locating someone who was across the bazaar, but he still helped... as he stepped away a hin, who had previously asked about my going home... before the incident... she showed up and wished me luck in finding my way home. It felt like daggers in my chest. I fear my mood had immediately dropped again after hearing it... this hin was not vindictive... she meant no harm... in fact, she meant well... still... it hurt.
Animus had wanted to have some time alone with me earlier, but he had constantly been interrupted. After he came back he did manage to get away for a while... he had intended to grab something to eat in the inn... I did not feel like eating. So much weighed on my mind, I only wanted to cry. I had been holding it in... sort of. But he said I should let it out. I did... it felt... good, I suppose... I mean, I did feel a mess. He continues to say I am strong, and I am handling things better than most would. I suppose that is a good thing... I do not feel strong, though.
I can only assume Animus carried me to my room, as I must have fell asleep in the comfort of his arms. I will have to thank him for that... and apologize.
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
The question
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Why am I here?
============
Why am I here?
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Elaboration on the Previous Page
=========================
Kit posed me the question. Why am I here? He did such in a vague way, open to interperetation. Did he mean at the bar? Did he mean in Sigil? Or did he have a far larger question in mind wherein he was asking of my purpose for still living? He did not mean harm in his question, of course, and I took no harm from it... but it did make me wonder.
Why am I here? Or, more accurately, why was I at Khazeet's? What was my reason for going there? I had only just had a calming bath after sneaking off to test my ability to wield a very basic blade I bought. It was easy enough to use... and I will admit the thrill of up close combat with the brigands that scour the sewers was exhilerating... albeit frightening. Animus' armor has proven very helpful in keeping me safe though. It was not a dramatic, or intriguing quest... merely a chance to test my ability... I am rather pleased with myself... their blows did hurt, despite the armor... I do not know if I will ever get used to it as some adventurers do... at any rate, I had a bath after, to wash the stench off, and relax my muscles... then I went to Khazeets... I do not really know why, I just did. Was I looking for something? Maybe hoping to see Animus there? It does seem the odds would be against me in that scenerio. Did I need to drown my sorrow in alcohol? I do not know... I do not feel the weight of my situation to be any lighter than prior... dare I say, the only time I was able to let the thoughts pass was when I was crossing blades with a... I think it was a Gnoll...
I do not have an answer as to why I was at Khazeet's.
In Sigil... my only answer for that would be because I have nowhere else to go... but that is false. Sigil is known as the city of doors... despite my initial impression of the place, and thinking it detatched (where it turned out my former life was the thing what was detatched), the place is full of opportunites, both in staying and leaving. Countless people pass through the city, I could just as easily find a portal to some other world... but why would I? What would be the point? In that line of thinking, is it defeatest of me to accept that Sigil has become my home? I have to wonder if I find myself truly happy here... Yes, there are reasons to stay... my friends, for example. I would not wish to leave them, especially not now. Is it selfish to say that? I do not want to leave then when I need them? Would I feel the same if going home was as I had imagined... I was very prepared to leave the city behind... sure, I had intended to make arrangements for both Azrinoth and Animus to stay with me... but what of the others? Lady Kalina, Ixia, Kit, Dave, Raelin, Andrew, Khasef, Granite, Aras, yes even Tomas (who I have not seen in some time). Would I truly have left them behind? What quality of person discards others so easily? Surely I would have felt guilt... surely.
Truly, why am I here? What is my purpose in doing what I do?
=========================
Kit posed me the question. Why am I here? He did such in a vague way, open to interperetation. Did he mean at the bar? Did he mean in Sigil? Or did he have a far larger question in mind wherein he was asking of my purpose for still living? He did not mean harm in his question, of course, and I took no harm from it... but it did make me wonder.
Why am I here? Or, more accurately, why was I at Khazeet's? What was my reason for going there? I had only just had a calming bath after sneaking off to test my ability to wield a very basic blade I bought. It was easy enough to use... and I will admit the thrill of up close combat with the brigands that scour the sewers was exhilerating... albeit frightening. Animus' armor has proven very helpful in keeping me safe though. It was not a dramatic, or intriguing quest... merely a chance to test my ability... I am rather pleased with myself... their blows did hurt, despite the armor... I do not know if I will ever get used to it as some adventurers do... at any rate, I had a bath after, to wash the stench off, and relax my muscles... then I went to Khazeets... I do not really know why, I just did. Was I looking for something? Maybe hoping to see Animus there? It does seem the odds would be against me in that scenerio. Did I need to drown my sorrow in alcohol? I do not know... I do not feel the weight of my situation to be any lighter than prior... dare I say, the only time I was able to let the thoughts pass was when I was crossing blades with a... I think it was a Gnoll...
I do not have an answer as to why I was at Khazeet's.
In Sigil... my only answer for that would be because I have nowhere else to go... but that is false. Sigil is known as the city of doors... despite my initial impression of the place, and thinking it detatched (where it turned out my former life was the thing what was detatched), the place is full of opportunites, both in staying and leaving. Countless people pass through the city, I could just as easily find a portal to some other world... but why would I? What would be the point? In that line of thinking, is it defeatest of me to accept that Sigil has become my home? I have to wonder if I find myself truly happy here... Yes, there are reasons to stay... my friends, for example. I would not wish to leave them, especially not now. Is it selfish to say that? I do not want to leave then when I need them? Would I feel the same if going home was as I had imagined... I was very prepared to leave the city behind... sure, I had intended to make arrangements for both Azrinoth and Animus to stay with me... but what of the others? Lady Kalina, Ixia, Kit, Dave, Raelin, Andrew, Khasef, Granite, Aras, yes even Tomas (who I have not seen in some time). Would I truly have left them behind? What quality of person discards others so easily? Surely I would have felt guilt... surely.
Truly, why am I here? What is my purpose in doing what I do?
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Something New
==============
I had a good day. I was getting a drink at Khazeet's and Animus came around. I did get to apologize for falling asleep on him... I think my wording drew the attention of a few people nearby. At any rate, he did not mind it at all... he truly is patient and kind. After a bit Kalina came by and we spoke for a while. The crowds gathered in the square and left shortly after, then Animus and I were standing around alone.
Due to our interrupted night before, he suggested we attempt at grabbing something to eat again. As we started on our way Animus asked if we should try the Spice Rack in the Festhall, instead of Muriel's in the inn. I, admittedly, was in the mood to try something new. So, we headed off toward the Festhall. On our way there he stopped suddenly, then took me in his arms and kissed me... in the street. I was shocked, I did not expect such a random show of effection. It was... nice. After the kiss he said, again, that he loved me... I... couldn't respond. I was sore from an adventure I took on my own, which I described in great detail to Animus during dinner. I used it as an excuse to not have to respond. I was not lying about being sore, I was. I wasn't ready to respond to his sentiment... I still was not sure.
We ate, and talked. After my story, Animus asked about my working again. He asked if was happy with working at the hall of records. I am not completely happy working there, however it is a source of income. Animus was apparently impressed with my re-telling of my adventure and had suggested I attempt some creative writing. I can hardly imagine... me, an author? It is true that I enjoy books. I read quite frequently. It is an interesting concept... I feel I might give it a shot. Who knows what could come of it?
After a bit of dinner Animus leaned in close to kiss me again... I will admit, I am enjoying this. Something came over me while in the moment... a realization. Despite all the horrible things happening, and all of the potential dangers... despite my world being turned upside down... despite feeling useless... I was happy. So long as he was there, I was truly happy... Love...
Later he walked me to my room. Before I went to bed he dug out a small silver device of some kind... it was something he said was to be used in scrying... in case of danger, he would know how to find me. It was a bit off putting at first, but I understand it. He wants to keep me safe.
==============
I had a good day. I was getting a drink at Khazeet's and Animus came around. I did get to apologize for falling asleep on him... I think my wording drew the attention of a few people nearby. At any rate, he did not mind it at all... he truly is patient and kind. After a bit Kalina came by and we spoke for a while. The crowds gathered in the square and left shortly after, then Animus and I were standing around alone.
Due to our interrupted night before, he suggested we attempt at grabbing something to eat again. As we started on our way Animus asked if we should try the Spice Rack in the Festhall, instead of Muriel's in the inn. I, admittedly, was in the mood to try something new. So, we headed off toward the Festhall. On our way there he stopped suddenly, then took me in his arms and kissed me... in the street. I was shocked, I did not expect such a random show of effection. It was... nice. After the kiss he said, again, that he loved me... I... couldn't respond. I was sore from an adventure I took on my own, which I described in great detail to Animus during dinner. I used it as an excuse to not have to respond. I was not lying about being sore, I was. I wasn't ready to respond to his sentiment... I still was not sure.
We ate, and talked. After my story, Animus asked about my working again. He asked if was happy with working at the hall of records. I am not completely happy working there, however it is a source of income. Animus was apparently impressed with my re-telling of my adventure and had suggested I attempt some creative writing. I can hardly imagine... me, an author? It is true that I enjoy books. I read quite frequently. It is an interesting concept... I feel I might give it a shot. Who knows what could come of it?
After a bit of dinner Animus leaned in close to kiss me again... I will admit, I am enjoying this. Something came over me while in the moment... a realization. Despite all the horrible things happening, and all of the potential dangers... despite my world being turned upside down... despite feeling useless... I was happy. So long as he was there, I was truly happy... Love...
Later he walked me to my room. Before I went to bed he dug out a small silver device of some kind... it was something he said was to be used in scrying... in case of danger, he would know how to find me. It was a bit off putting at first, but I understand it. He wants to keep me safe.
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Faction Education: The Sensates
=========================
I was sorting books in the hall of records, their subject is of no consequence. While working I noticed, from the corner of my eye, I was being watched. I had apparently caught the eye of a fire genasi woman, a sensate. She immediately asked if I was the same blond tiefling "locking lips" with "the handsome paladin". Despite her forwardness, I responded with care and and stated that she might recognize me as one who had done that. She was very curious, asking how it was, how I felt, what I thought, smelled, heard. I was, initially, not prepared for such questioning. When I tried to slink away to work more the genasi followed me and continued to ask questions about it. I grew mildly frustrated and snapped at her with a "why do you want to know?"
Her smile turned crooked and she responded with "because I haven't tried it."
Her response made little sense until she explained herself as a Sensate. They are a curious faction in sigil, The Society of Sensation, in that they believe in what can be sensed. Touch, taste, sight, smell, and sound. They seek to explore, and to experience everything... within reason. Sensates have their limits, and they are not foolish to try something that will, without a doubt, lead to personal harm.
I can respect the concept of a Sensate... the will to experience things. I can even relate. My old self would have never done many of the things that I have... since coming to Sigil I have had a burning desire to try new things from time to time... I have already tried things... combat... adventure... romance... friendship... I have only brushed the surface of these, but I have found value in experiencing them.
Does this mean I will be running to the beautiful festhall to become one? No. I admire their ideology, and I can understand it... like the Fated, it makes sense to me.
I wonder what the other factions are like...
=========================
I was sorting books in the hall of records, their subject is of no consequence. While working I noticed, from the corner of my eye, I was being watched. I had apparently caught the eye of a fire genasi woman, a sensate. She immediately asked if I was the same blond tiefling "locking lips" with "the handsome paladin". Despite her forwardness, I responded with care and and stated that she might recognize me as one who had done that. She was very curious, asking how it was, how I felt, what I thought, smelled, heard. I was, initially, not prepared for such questioning. When I tried to slink away to work more the genasi followed me and continued to ask questions about it. I grew mildly frustrated and snapped at her with a "why do you want to know?"
Her smile turned crooked and she responded with "because I haven't tried it."
Her response made little sense until she explained herself as a Sensate. They are a curious faction in sigil, The Society of Sensation, in that they believe in what can be sensed. Touch, taste, sight, smell, and sound. They seek to explore, and to experience everything... within reason. Sensates have their limits, and they are not foolish to try something that will, without a doubt, lead to personal harm.
I can respect the concept of a Sensate... the will to experience things. I can even relate. My old self would have never done many of the things that I have... since coming to Sigil I have had a burning desire to try new things from time to time... I have already tried things... combat... adventure... romance... friendship... I have only brushed the surface of these, but I have found value in experiencing them.
Does this mean I will be running to the beautiful festhall to become one? No. I admire their ideology, and I can understand it... like the Fated, it makes sense to me.
I wonder what the other factions are like...
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Lies
=======
How would you react if your life was turned inside out? If someone came along and told you everything was false, how would you hold together? Would you even believe them? What if everyone else believed them? How would you react?
My father... is not my father. More accurately, the male involved in my birth was not the man I know as father... The person who would, through blood, be my birth father was a tiefling from Ribcage named Alean. Not a royal. I do not even know what Ribcage is... My mother... was a warlock from Toril, the world where Animus hailed from. She went by the name "Striker."
They are nobody.
And I am the daughter of nobody.
If that piece of truth was not difficult enough to accept...
I learned this information while in a place called Mecuria... a heaven, apparently. I also learned... what I am. I do not mean species, this I already know. What I mean is, I know what my so called father meant when he said I was not ready... I know what his purpose for me was... I am a vessel. I was created... crafted to be what I am... to have the right potency to... I do not know... maximize my so called father's power, I suppose? I will be ready on my next anniversary of my naming day.. or, my day of birth. As of that point... well.. I do not know what will happen. But that is when I wll apparently be ready... ripe for the picking, as it were.
This is my understanding of the situation... it was difficult to swallow... perhaps this is why I needed to write it down.
=======
How would you react if your life was turned inside out? If someone came along and told you everything was false, how would you hold together? Would you even believe them? What if everyone else believed them? How would you react?
My father... is not my father. More accurately, the male involved in my birth was not the man I know as father... The person who would, through blood, be my birth father was a tiefling from Ribcage named Alean. Not a royal. I do not even know what Ribcage is... My mother... was a warlock from Toril, the world where Animus hailed from. She went by the name "Striker."
They are nobody.
And I am the daughter of nobody.
If that piece of truth was not difficult enough to accept...
I learned this information while in a place called Mecuria... a heaven, apparently. I also learned... what I am. I do not mean species, this I already know. What I mean is, I know what my so called father meant when he said I was not ready... I know what his purpose for me was... I am a vessel. I was created... crafted to be what I am... to have the right potency to... I do not know... maximize my so called father's power, I suppose? I will be ready on my next anniversary of my naming day.. or, my day of birth. As of that point... well.. I do not know what will happen. But that is when I wll apparently be ready... ripe for the picking, as it were.
This is my understanding of the situation... it was difficult to swallow... perhaps this is why I needed to write it down.
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*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Support
=========
When the whole world is crashing down who is there to help you up? In the darkest of tunnels, who can you trust to lead the way?
I felt helpess... I still sort of do. But, I am also feeling a bit of relief. Animus took me to speak with Kalina, who had wanted to have tea with me for some time. I fear my mood ruined the evening, but Kalina and her beau Dom were very supportive. Despite my negativity they remained in good spirits... they offered their support, which meant a lot to me. They even managed to lighten my mood with their shenanigans... something I did not feel was actually possible until it happened.
Dom set up some wards in my room to alert me if anyone enters my without permission. I wonder, now, if I should have the alarm alert anyone else, other than myself? While it would be best that I know someone is in my area, I fear I am still not competent in the ways of combat... could I fend someone off? I'll have to think... perhaps I should have Azrinoth and Animus alerted, just in case... I have no idea where either of them stay, though... could they get to me in time given the case where someone does enter and means me harm?
Before retiring Animus walked me to my room... while saying our good nights I had contemplated asking him to stay. I do not know why... something about seeing Kalina and Dom together... and given my mood... a part of me did not want to be alone... ah... when I say stay, I don't mean... I'm not suggesting sleeping together... well, I mean, I am... but not in that way... I just really did not want to be alone.
Was that wrong?
I let him leave, nevertheless... part of me wishes I hadn't... that part stayed with me long into the morning.
=========
When the whole world is crashing down who is there to help you up? In the darkest of tunnels, who can you trust to lead the way?
I felt helpess... I still sort of do. But, I am also feeling a bit of relief. Animus took me to speak with Kalina, who had wanted to have tea with me for some time. I fear my mood ruined the evening, but Kalina and her beau Dom were very supportive. Despite my negativity they remained in good spirits... they offered their support, which meant a lot to me. They even managed to lighten my mood with their shenanigans... something I did not feel was actually possible until it happened.
Dom set up some wards in my room to alert me if anyone enters my without permission. I wonder, now, if I should have the alarm alert anyone else, other than myself? While it would be best that I know someone is in my area, I fear I am still not competent in the ways of combat... could I fend someone off? I'll have to think... perhaps I should have Azrinoth and Animus alerted, just in case... I have no idea where either of them stay, though... could they get to me in time given the case where someone does enter and means me harm?
Before retiring Animus walked me to my room... while saying our good nights I had contemplated asking him to stay. I do not know why... something about seeing Kalina and Dom together... and given my mood... a part of me did not want to be alone... ah... when I say stay, I don't mean... I'm not suggesting sleeping together... well, I mean, I am... but not in that way... I just really did not want to be alone.
Was that wrong?
I let him leave, nevertheless... part of me wishes I hadn't... that part stayed with me long into the morning.
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
A Bleaker Outlook
================
Azrinoth concerns me. After some conversation he, seemingly randomly, challenged Animus to a duel again. This time it was not in a test of honor... just for the sake of testing himself. It was strange, and brutish to watch... Azrinoth is a completely different person in combat... and it almost scares me.
Animus lost.
This does not cause me concern. I am not under a delusion that Animus is the strongest creature ever. What concerns me is the conversation that was held afterwards. Azrinoth seemed.... distant, sad perhaps... or perhaps emotionless completely. His outlook is, apparently, that of a faction called the Bleak Cabal. I had not heard much on them... I do not think he is actually a member, however his friend Khasef is. When I read up on it I found it all a bit disturbing and defeatist.
Their outlook is... well... bleak. There is not any purpose to life. That is what I could make of their philosophy... Unlike Azrinoth, however, there is a silver lining that can be found in their ideology. Reason is to found within oneself... not through experiencing things, or adventuring. They almost sound selfless... almost.
Azrinoth stated that he had nothing... which I would argue with. He says happiness if fleeting, like a snowflake on warm ground. Animus argued, taking the metaphor for snowfall and turning it about on Azrinoth... I think his comparison got through somewhat.
Still...I pity Azrinoth.
================
Azrinoth concerns me. After some conversation he, seemingly randomly, challenged Animus to a duel again. This time it was not in a test of honor... just for the sake of testing himself. It was strange, and brutish to watch... Azrinoth is a completely different person in combat... and it almost scares me.
Animus lost.
This does not cause me concern. I am not under a delusion that Animus is the strongest creature ever. What concerns me is the conversation that was held afterwards. Azrinoth seemed.... distant, sad perhaps... or perhaps emotionless completely. His outlook is, apparently, that of a faction called the Bleak Cabal. I had not heard much on them... I do not think he is actually a member, however his friend Khasef is. When I read up on it I found it all a bit disturbing and defeatist.
Their outlook is... well... bleak. There is not any purpose to life. That is what I could make of their philosophy... Unlike Azrinoth, however, there is a silver lining that can be found in their ideology. Reason is to found within oneself... not through experiencing things, or adventuring. They almost sound selfless... almost.
Azrinoth stated that he had nothing... which I would argue with. He says happiness if fleeting, like a snowflake on warm ground. Animus argued, taking the metaphor for snowfall and turning it about on Azrinoth... I think his comparison got through somewhat.
Still...I pity Azrinoth.
-
*LittleMissWonderful
- Posts: 64
- Joined: Thu Jan 01, 1970 12:00 am
Time To Relax
=============
I went by Kalina's room to speak with her. I've had a bit of guilt weighing on me since the other day. Animus was willing to abandon helping Kalina because of me, and I felt at fault. Friends are important to Animus, this is very evident, but the fact that he wished to be at my side because of my problems, while ignoring the request of help from Kalina... I could not ask that. I had hoped Animus and Kalina would have sorted it out, and the solution of having both Azrinoth and I accompany the rest of the group seemed reasonable... but I still felt guilt. So, I went by to apologize to her. Inside was Kalina, Animus, Gwynnithe, and, to my surprise, Azrinoth.
During some moments of frustration I did say my peace with Kalina. I thought she may still be upset towards Animus, however they did apparently work out the issue already, so her irritation was directed to something else... in this case, a situation with Azrinoth and Gwynnithe...
I am a little envious of Gwynnithe. She is very uninhibited, very open, and nearly always in a good mood... nearly. When I saw her in Kalina's room she was upset at Azrinoth for something. But this was eventually sorted out, and she returned to her chipper self. Apparently she is some sort of fey-blooded being, she mentioned it once. Anyway, uninhibited... some conversation suggested that our gathering was not a party unless someone was naked. This prompted Gwynn to quickly remove her dress... like I said.. uninhibited.
This turned into a plan to visit the beach of Elysium. Gwynn came with me to the Festhall to get some some form of swimwear... and toget some for herself... what she got hardly counted as an outfit... she may as well have been naked (and she was for a portion of the day). I think she took enjoyment in how her forwardness effected Azrinoth.
Azrinoth had a difficult time relaxing, and Gwynn's attempts to get him to let go did not help, much... the trouble multipled when Ixia showed up as well and began to, also, pester him.
I won't go into too much detail, the day was very relaxing and enjoyable. I may have not taken part in as many antics as the others, but I still had fun watching them... and getting occasionally dragged into things. I will admit I was very nervous, at first, about having so much of my skin visible to the others... though not as much as Gwynn, clearly. But, these people are efficient at disarming you, and making you relax and feel welcomed... in truth, the experience was a bit liberating.
=============
I went by Kalina's room to speak with her. I've had a bit of guilt weighing on me since the other day. Animus was willing to abandon helping Kalina because of me, and I felt at fault. Friends are important to Animus, this is very evident, but the fact that he wished to be at my side because of my problems, while ignoring the request of help from Kalina... I could not ask that. I had hoped Animus and Kalina would have sorted it out, and the solution of having both Azrinoth and I accompany the rest of the group seemed reasonable... but I still felt guilt. So, I went by to apologize to her. Inside was Kalina, Animus, Gwynnithe, and, to my surprise, Azrinoth.
During some moments of frustration I did say my peace with Kalina. I thought she may still be upset towards Animus, however they did apparently work out the issue already, so her irritation was directed to something else... in this case, a situation with Azrinoth and Gwynnithe...
I am a little envious of Gwynnithe. She is very uninhibited, very open, and nearly always in a good mood... nearly. When I saw her in Kalina's room she was upset at Azrinoth for something. But this was eventually sorted out, and she returned to her chipper self. Apparently she is some sort of fey-blooded being, she mentioned it once. Anyway, uninhibited... some conversation suggested that our gathering was not a party unless someone was naked. This prompted Gwynn to quickly remove her dress... like I said.. uninhibited.
This turned into a plan to visit the beach of Elysium. Gwynn came with me to the Festhall to get some some form of swimwear... and toget some for herself... what she got hardly counted as an outfit... she may as well have been naked (and she was for a portion of the day). I think she took enjoyment in how her forwardness effected Azrinoth.
Azrinoth had a difficult time relaxing, and Gwynn's attempts to get him to let go did not help, much... the trouble multipled when Ixia showed up as well and began to, also, pester him.
I won't go into too much detail, the day was very relaxing and enjoyable. I may have not taken part in as many antics as the others, but I still had fun watching them... and getting occasionally dragged into things. I will admit I was very nervous, at first, about having so much of my skin visible to the others... though not as much as Gwynn, clearly. But, these people are efficient at disarming you, and making you relax and feel welcomed... in truth, the experience was a bit liberating.