'some Girls Just Want To Watch The World Burn'

[*Patapatapatapon]

That's the way! Step right on up, cutter, I can see yer a bloke as knows what he wants, and I'm just the man to spell it out for you. let's have it guv, what you need fillin' in on?

Who?

Oh. Oh, what, you're askin' about HER? Bloody 'ell...

Oh, yeah, I "know" her. As much as anyone does.

All right, fine, it's your jink. Oh, whassat? You're taking notes? What're you a patologist? Alright, here, gimmie the ink:




Basic Information
Name: Pata Mara Kali
Aliases: Miss Dark, Miss Direction, You Crazy Bitch What The Sod Did You Just Do
Gender: Female
Race: Approximately human, we think. Maybe.
Age: Not known. Ask me, not even she knows.
Profession: Assassin, sometime thief, regular public nuisance.
Languages: Infernal, Abyssal, Cant
Accent: Heavily Sigilian, with a faint lilt of something old, eastern and unplaceable behind it.

Physical Information
Height: Sort of smallish.
Weight: Hard to say. Ask me, that skirt weighs more than she does.
Body build: Slight, bit underfed maybe. Don't eat much that isn't lollipops.
Scars: None visible, but they're there, under that dress of hers. Lot of em, too.

Colouring:

[b]Hair:[/b] Jet black [b]Eyes:[/b] Bright Amber [b]Skin:[/b] Pallid [/li]

Mental Information
Alignment: Chaot through and through, and you better believe it's the black sort.
Philosophy: Rrrrright. Yeah, ask me about that one after, mate, iss not goin' to fit inna margins.
Deity/Beliefs: Faith? Right there in her name, mate. Kali. Dunno how serious she takes it, but I got a mate as divines higher intervention, and he says Caverns of the Skull, no question. Fits, I spose, if you ever seen her carving up fiends in the Abyss.
Personality:

[u]Childlike[/u] [i]Pata never grew up, and that in itself is disturbing in a city where childhood innocence is gone before you learn how to spell it. She has the morality of a warped child in a young woman's body, not understanding right from wrong, not kenning that other people even have feelings that could be hurt, not seeing the difference between pulling another child's hair and strangling them to death with it. Hacking through the Blood War is no different to her than playing hopscotch. True innocence, like Pata herself, is a double-edged sword.[/i] [u]Psychotic[/u] [i]Exactly how insane Pata is would be a matter for debate, if anyone cared. Though as more than one cutter's found out, it's a mistake to assume that because she's crazy, she must also be stupid. Her mind might be shattered, but that only means the broken bits rattling around inside her idea-box are sharp enough to slice yourself open on.[/i] [u]Only Hurts When I Laugh[/u] [i]Okay, so, I never seen her show any adult concept of sex whatsoever, but Pata exhibits numerous signs of masochism. Just keeps tittering weakly, even with her face twisted in pain, to her last conscious breath. From what I gather, she just revels in any kind of deconstruction -- even her own. [/i] [u]Fearless[/u] [i]One thing Pata finds funnier than just about anything else is an attempt to intimidate her. Half the time she'll be helpless with laughter before the berk finishes his sentence, even if he's in the middle of strangling her. How do you threaten something with no sense of self-preservation? Pata fears one thing and one thing only -- and whatever it is, it isn't common knowledge.[/i] [/li]

Additional Information
Gear: Never seen without her iconic skirt -- a noisy, awkward, girlish monstrosity, hammered together from black scrap-iron stolen from slag piles, forge boilers, collapsed buildings and dilapidated siege golems. The ensemble contains no padding, and the interior's lined with spiked points and jagged edges, like a miniature iron maiden. Practically no one knows this, but wearing that thing places Pata in constant, serious pain.

Yeah, I saw it, I seen her naked once. Don' ask, it weren't what you think.

Stabbers? Well, she's a small, slight thing, likes chivs as sharp and skinny as she is. Cutting is what's important to her, not impact. Let's see...She's got the two prominent blades, Hearthunger and Razorfever, sharp as buggery and half as fun, as well as a sacred Elven moonblade from Toril that she only ever uses as a backscratcher, table knife or night-light. You ask me, she'd have junked the thing if it didn't torque the elves so much that she's got it.

And then there's the black blade, Grey'Ane. One look at Grey'Ane, and you'd swear the thing was looking back, weighing you, finding you wanting and scorning you as a feckin' weakling. Pata saves "Gray" as she calls it, for special occasions. Doesn't like using it, from what I gather, but sometimes -- and you dint hear this from me -- it's almost like the thing MAKES her draw it. It's... This is daft, but it's hard to shake the impression the two of them hate each other, but stay together out of some 'orrible necessity.

On top of that, there's the Chaos Shield. She claims it's part of a tavern sign she knocked off and stuck a handle on. Doesn't matter. You see her holding that thing and some berk goes to hit her, stand the hells clear, because someone's about to spend the rest of their life as a chicken.

Jewelry: Uhhmn, nothing really. Except the collar. You seen the collar? Vlad Spewbile down on Slaad's End took one look at that thing and nearly lost his lunch. What was it he said... Baatorian sigils of "oppressive law, stricture and bondage" I couldn't see what he were on about, but he's an abyssal warlock an' he swore blind it were there, burnin like hellfire. Don't make sense to me. She's a chaot, anyone can see that. Why'd she be wearin' Baatorian slave gear?
Habbits/hobbies: Likes children's games. Usually with some twist you don't know about til it's too late. Take it from me, cutter, she wants to play hide and seek, you turn and run like the gears of Mechanus.
General Health: She's breathin' in and out. I'd say that's pretty good all things considered.
Favorite Drink: Potion of Death Armor with a twist of bladefruit. Onna rocks. Khazeet's the only one who'll make em for her, these days, and she pays way more'n they're worth. Those two got some kind of understanding, but I don't wanna know what it is.
Weaknesses:

[u]Pushover:[/u] [i]Impulsive and insane, and with her free will being subtly eroded from several unnamed sources, Pata is extremely open to suggestion from people she doesn't actively loathe, going along with anything suggested to her, even if it directly involves enormous self-harm. Whenever the fey in the Hall of Records tells her to 'go kiss a succubus', she skips off looking for one. Anyone firm-handed enough to guide her would find little difficulty in doing so, though such a hand would also need to know when to let go before it found itself being cut off. Teaming up with the girl is like lugging around a nailbomb. Bloody effective so long as you throw it before it goes off in your face.[/i] [u]Kamikaze:[/u] [i]Remember that 'no sense of self preservation' thing I said? I weren't kidding.[/i] [/li]

[*Patapatapatapon]

Anyway... Far as I can tell, no one's right sure who she is or where she came from. I mean she's not the sort of girl a bloke pays any attention to, especially not in a city this size, except after a point where it seems she'd just sorta... always been there, for as long as you could remember. Just shrugging and accepting it. Why not?

But sometimes, when you had too much to drink and got nothing better to think about, well, then you might wonder. Where she came from. How she got here. How she lost her mind, assuming she ever had it in the first place. Whether there's some method to what she does or if she really is just completely pandy-addled. What exactly it is that CREATES someone like that.

What's her story? Pff. No one knows. Nah, nah, it's not that Pata never told anyone her story -- Bugger me, I've been mad sods try and torture it out of her -- no, it's that the story is never the same thing twice. Whether that's deliberate on her part or, I dunno, your actual honest-to-gods barrage of delusions is uncertain, and as anyone who's met her can tell you, both answers is equally likely. You listen to it long enough, though, you pick out one or two recurring themes. Someone tries to kill her, her mother gets offed, she gets to watch it happen, tripe like that... Only thing I know for sure is that whatever the truth is, it's best left buried.

-----

Let's see. Uhh, got an odd fascination with wings? Tears 'em off the backs of fallen Erinyes, and, if you wanna believe what she says, the odd Celestial, and then drapes 'em across her back in some sick imitation of a girl tryin' on gowns.

I don't know what the story is with the wings. Don't think I wanna, neither.

Though, to that, Arktinon the Ageless figured she might have had 'em once, or was meant to have 'em and just never did. It was the tattoo, he reckoned -- there was this place, accordin' to him, that used patterns like that. Ong.. Pike me onna stick, what was the name. Om..

Olmo-something.

Wha'ever, one of them backring paradise worlds, got "eclipsed", according to Ark. Turned into some kind of negative-energy hellhole before just getting smashed out of existence. Dunno what caused it, you'd have to ask Ark an' I ain't seen him around lately.

Lessee... Rollo Grubkicker reckoned she was from Toril. Got some credibility just due to how much contempt she's got for the place, which is evidence enough she's been there, you ask me. Knows the place better than she ought, too, an' sometimes it's like she don't want to go back for more reason than she lets on... Yeah, I could just about believe that one.

Nate the Bugbear reckoned she came from nowhere. Actual creation of chaos. No birth, no genuine memories of her own, just immaturity, madness and a boiling need to fall on her own kind. No provable basis, but you got to wonder.

Nate's inna Gatehouse now cos he reckons invisible dogs from a billion years inna past are tryin' to kill 'im, mind, so maybe you don't wanna bother wondering TOO hard.

[*Patapatapatapon]

*the wiry man strikes a match on the wall and lights a rollup, cupping it in his hand and taking a quick puff*

Ach. I mean she'd be a looker if she weren't, you know, disturbing to look at. Don't know where she got that tattoo, actually. Had it as long as I've known her. Wish I could remember how long that was...

Thing moves, you seen that? You don't see it happen very often, sometimes you think it's just muscle making it shift like that, but you look at her one day to the next, and the thing's in a different shape. Bloody good trick. Wanted one myself but she won't give anyone a straight answer as to who she hired for it. Girl's not on good terms with the truth, but you prolly know that, too. Said once she was the best liar in the Cage. Asked her if that were true, an' she said "no". Real joker.


Course, Pata sees the funny side. Pata always sees the funny side. Of everything. Got chivved inna gut once by this succubus was havin' jealousy issues over someone givin' her a flower. Damn girl wouldn't stop laughing til her throat filled up with blood and all she could do was froth a bit between convulsions.

Found the Succubus later with a dozen thorned roses wrapped around her throat and 'Argh argh i'm dying, help this lunatic is cutting my head o-' writ in blood inna journal next to her. Got her sense of humor all over it.

Nah, they put one of her admirers away for it. No arrest record, that one. Comes as a surprise, don't it? But Pata's never got herself locked up by the Harmonium. Beaten unconscious, sure, but never locked up. Don't ask me how, cutter. Chit's got a silver tongue and knows how to push whatever buttons she's aiming for. An' let's face it, if they put her away they'd just have to listen to her babbling alla time.

You notice that? She talks so much that no one listens. She's so much in everyone's face that no one pays any attention to her. Like floodin' a place with so much arcane magic even the best diviners can't tell what you're doin'. Can't tell if she's doing it on purpose or not, myself. Which is part of what I'm talkin' about here.

[*Patapatapatapon]

Career? Unnh... Did some work for an assassin's guild for a bit. They were smart enough to ditch her before she turned on em, though she kept freelancing for awhile. Liked going after Abyssals best, as I recall. Don't know why she did it, since she doesn't seem to care about jink. Throws the stuff away, mostly. Weird. Convenient, though, if you walk behind her long enough.

Did some work for the 'higher-ups', too, if you wanna believe that, taking out some Abyssal lord of some kind they couldn't be seen to dirty their hands with. Wouldn't take the job until they agreed to pay her in dog biscuits, neither. And sure, you look at that and think "ha ha, lookat that crazy bint, barmy as a bleakhouse rat!" But you mark me, cutter, she did it on purpose. She did it to humiliate them. Bring them down to her level, whatever THAT is.

Ate the biscuits right there in front of em, too.

Pfagh. *He spits, leaving a grisly trail along the gutter*

Assassining's a berk's job in the Cage, anyways. Nobody bloody stays dead around here. Maybe the Dusters are onna something after all...

...Which brings us to factions. Pata's loyal to the Doomguard as she's ever been to anything, but again, same thing -- no interest in rank, power, or profit. Even the toys she tosses about in the bazaar can only hold her interest for so long.

That makes her dangerous, too, you mark that if it's the only thing outta this you remember. That girl don't care about NOTHING. She's not some big-shot blood pulling strings an' she's not some half-fiend prince what can turn you to stone just by scowling at yer, nah. Just some skinny gutter-bint inna metal skirt. But you get tangled up with her, you're goin' to find out right quick that you can't reason with her, pay her off, scare her or halfway predict what she's gunna do next.


...Oh, yeah that's it, you scuttle off like yer inna big bleedin' hurry or something. Pike off to wherever you came from, then! Stingy berk. All right, you sir, you're still sticking around? Right then, back to it...

[*Patapatapatapon]

All right, this... This is the bit I dint want to get into. Philosophy.

Not that she's got one, but... See, what we reckoned in the end, Ark and me and Nate, was that Pata... she like, represents the, the tendency of chaos toward self destruction. Aye, yeah, she's a creature of chaos herself, but she destroys what she came from as a matter of instinct, biting the hand that feeds even if it happens to be the one attached to her own body. It's what makes her such a bloody good demon killer. Funny, that... In an ironic sort of way, she's an ideal Sinker, pushing entropy to a depth that most of her sort would balk at. The entropist's entropist. Can't say that makes her any more popular with her own side, mind, but it's got a certain purity.

Sure, she loves chaos, but you've seen what she does to things she loves.

Hoi, I even heard her say it once, when she was havin' one of them scary-as-Hezrou-shit lucid moments. "Chaos is a scorpion that must sting itself to death." And she said some other shite too, I don' remember, she was twistin' my arm behind my back and holdin' a broken bottle to me jugular at the time.

Point is, that's her all over. Don't know how, don't know why, but Pata is the sting at the end of chaos's metaphorical tail, forced by its own bloody madness again and again into its own metaphorical back. And it don't matter who gets in the way, or who else the scorpion happens to rip to shreds while its busy havin' its death throes, and that's the whole of it that we know.

Eh?

...Yeah.

Yeah, I think we're done too, mate. Don't think I want to be talkin' about this anymore, actually.

No, no, no, keep the bloody jink. Just forget you ever saw me an' hope I can get drunk enough to do the same for you.

Bloody tourists...